The following is a testimonial from a client who completed my the 6-session course. She was able to explain so well, in a step by step process, what she experienced and why my work as an Inner Child Advocate is beneficial in helping women to heal the money issues that they are struggling with today.I’m a writer, translator and shamanic facilitator, and when I started Gwen’s 6-session program called “UNLOCK Your Invisible Money Blocks” I hadn’t had any paid work for 4 months, I was flat broke and had to ask my 90-year old mother for survival money, which made me feel “little”, powerless and ashamed. I felt stuck and blocked and I just couldn’t get past whatever it was that kept me locked in place.Session 1
I described my apparent inability to deal with money, from my current situation all the way back to when I was a teenager: I could never hold on to it, it always felt like I shouldn’t have it in the first place and I’ve never ever felt at ease with it. At the same time, I’ve always ended up in situations where I had to be responsible for the household income. Gwen listened, asked clarifying questions, jotted down a few things, and by the time I had finished my sorry tale, she was ready to tap with me: she’s a brilliant guide who homes straight in on what’s essential. I think what shocked me the most was a sudden blindingly obvious connection with an aspect of my dad’s life, in a way that I’d never have thought of. The other “aha” was an overwhelming reason why I would choose to remain broke right now: for the first time in my life, Mom is offering me unconditional support – not love exactly, but still! Why would I want to give that up?? I yawned and yawned and the release was tremendous.Coming from a family where “money” plays a central role (Dad was a bank director, Mom worked in a bank, 3 of us 4 children trained as bankers…)
I use “money” to compensate for the still unresolved and unmet needs of my early life, and “absence of money” to set me apart from family values I do not align with. Now that I can see this, it’s no longer such a desperate mess. The panic about my current situation, which was a 10+ and felt like a rigid shield all the way down the front of my body when we started, has gone. I came out of the session feeling hopeful – I CAN change this!
Big resistance! Skype kept cutting out, I felt utterly unsettled. Gwen tapped with me right through it; she kept me feeling safe until Skype worked just fine and I was calm again. I had no idea how scared I was to step out of my decades-old comfort zone even though it really doesn’t provide me with any “comfort”!
Who am I without being broke? I have no concept of being prosperous. Being broke is my safety net, my excuse for not doing stuff, and I’m clinging to it. Gwen has this great knack for homing in on the central issue and before I knew it, I was back at my first week in grammar school, aged 10, the country bumpkin among the smart city girls. I was made fun of and felt so totally “poor” and “wrong”, and there was nothing I could do about it; this was before my dad was promoted and we were only just scraping by, there was never any money to spare. My parents didn’t understand what my problem was; they felt I should be grateful to be able to go to such a good school. So I did the only thing I could do: I created a barrier like a suit of armour around me to keep me safe. I pretended I didn’t want any of that stupid stuff but secretly I yearned to be able to have beautiful things, go on trips, just be part of this other world. In other words, I acted as though I despised money but secretly I so wanted to have it. I still do.
Mega-intense session on the little girl in the suit of armour, an image Gwen had sent me in the wake of our last session. I’d just wanted to tell her how the image had resonated with me, but I burst into tears and with Gwen’s intuitive and skilled guidance I spiralled down the years to 5 years old, saying to Mom in my little-girl voice: “It doesn’t matter, don’t worry…” and Gwen completed it for me: “I can take it, I’ll do it, I can manage it, it’s all right – I’ll take the responsibility so that it’ll be all right.” And I’ve been doing that ever since: here I am, load me up, give me your inability to cope and let me do it for you. Emotionally, financially, practically, in any possible way. The pay-off for me was a) as a small child, I had a new role within my family after being usurped by my new and ill brother; and b) to this day it keeps me from having to sort out my own stuff. I’ve loaded myself up to the hilt with responsibility, clutter, work I’ve not a clue how to do, on behalf of not just me but also those around me who “can’t cope”. Like a red line all the way down my life: RESCUER AND CARRIER OF OTHER PEOPLE’S BURDENS.
We tapped on the vulnerability I feel when I’m “out there” as just me, and an old nightmare re-appeared that had dogged my sleep from small child into my thirties, only this time I suddenly knew “that’s not my stuff” and realized I was carrying someone else’s unfinished experience and we tapped on my remaining need to carry other people’s burdens until it was gone.
We also tapped on my fears in connection with me going “live” as a shamanic practitioner. What if I’m not good enough, what if I can’t help others, what if this isn’t what I’m for after all – at which point the great black hole appeared: if not this, then what?? Fear, Fear, Fear.
My opening line was: I seem to be blocking money coming in, I procrastinate instead of taking action that would result in work coming my way, and I can’t seem to get out of this overwhelming lethargy.
Gwen made the connection to the desperation I must feel before I “kick into action” – my adult self taking over to once again “save the day” but Little Gitta (LG) will do her level best to prevent an easy flow of abundance because she’s still waiting for her prince/princess to rescue her and take care of her. This turned out to be central: money and love are interchangeable for me – love me, value me, validate me, cherish me, look after me, keep me safe: I feel that I have no value. At the same time, I totally reject this love = money concept. Things flashed up faster than I could handle them. LG 3 years old, shoved aside roughly by an overwhelmed and worried mother in her haste to get to her ill new son. No explanation, no cuddle, just: get out of the way. LG translates this to, you’re not who I love, you have no value, you’re just in the way. My constant worry about my work: what if I can’t give value? A giant fear called I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And Gwen providing the words to guide me through the mess, to help me differentiate Little Gitta from Adult Gitta, then from now, fear from love. Tapping the fear down, allowing me to see my bewildered and dejected 3-year-old self from my adult vantage point.
This is our final session – and I blurt out that I still feel second-best, that I still feel on the outside, looking in. Gwen asks me when I first felt like this, quick-quick without “thinking”, and there I am, sitting alone on the stairs while everyone else is “inside”, having dinner or fun or something, and I felt unfairly treated, resentful, sad, lonely and utterly helpless: they were in there and I wasn’t allowed to be with them so there must be something wrong with me – second-best, never allowed to shine, somehow I just didn’t measure up. Which morphed into this other dreadful nightmare from my growing-up years and well into adulthood: the high featureless white wall with the unreachable entrance; all of life and fun and happiness going on inside and I was on the outside, no way in. I was small and so utterly alone, so excluded, so hopeless. The intensity was around 8, a feeling of dread in my belly and throat. We tapped and tapped and what it most strongly connected with was overwhelm. And Gwen, beautiful clever intuitive gifted Gwen, flipped the image from a wall that excluded me, made by others to shut me out, to one I’d put there to keep me safe from the overwhelming assault of all the incomprehensible stuff coming at me thick and fast from all sides: I was a hypersensitive child and utterly alone with it. I did the best I could to keep myself safe. The feeling of dread changed to one of gratitude, and the intensity dwindled down to nothing.
Tapping with Gwen I became aware of connections I couldn’t see before. We would clear the associated panic and fear so that I could honor and accept the original old feeling, send it love, and allow myself to see my reaction as my small-child self doing the best she could to keep herself safe in often incomprehensible and overwhelming situations. This brought me to a feeling of peace about it. I felt the profound relief of that old assumption, that old belief being released from every cell of my being.
I want to give Gitta a great big thank you for inviting you into her private journey. I sincerely hope it was helpful for you. Please let me know if this sounds like a good fit for you and how I can be of help. The 6 Session UNLOCK Your Invisible Money Blocks package is done via phone, Skype or Face time from the comfort and privacy of your own home or office. The investment is 3 monthly payments of $ 275 or one full payment of only $750. Remember, one hour of tapping = 100 hours of talk therapy! Your Strongest Life accepts VISA, MasterCard, American Express and Discover. There is limited space so if you’d like to get started right away please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org NOW to make sure you are first on the list!