“Gwen’s gentle yet assertive ways allowed me to have “aha” moments in my life, which would bring awareness of why I did the things I did in my adult life.
She helped me embrace and love my inner child,
not again but for the first time in my entire life.”
~Angelena Tate, Courage to Rise
Friends: I hope this Vlog (video blog) finds you happy and healthy today!
I have something exciting to share with you. I worked with Angelyna in 2010, my first year of coaching. We did 10 sessions and became dear friends. Shortly after our sessions she wrote a book called Courage to Rise and described powerfully our work together in the book. I love other people’s description of what I do as an Inner Child Advocate, even though I thought I JUST “came out of the closet” with that title! My inner child has been too afraid to really claim it and has been dancing around it for several years. After making a serious decision to do that because that’s who I am at the core, the universe started bringing me all sorts of wonderful things to support me in my journey.
Her manuscript has been in my computer for way too long. I felt the urge to pull it out and finally read it last week…
Turns out, after finally reading Angelyna’s book I’ve been an Inner Child Advocate all along! (SMILE!) I’ve shared this with several other clients and it resonates with them all so I guess Angelyna was able to capture in her words what I’ve been trying to do for a very long time, articulate the needs of my ideal clients.
If you or someone you know can relate and you are ready to release all the old baggage that’s been holding you back and learn to really love your wounded inner child at a core level and stop recreating all of the pain and heartache in the future please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d love to be of service!
PS Read the entire snippet from Courage to Rise below.
Courage to Rise:
Book Jacket: “Take an authentic journey with Angelyna as she reveals her despair, disappointment and triumph over a life of sexual and emotional abuse. Angelyna did not merely settle for being a survivor , but a catalyst to become an unbridled champion in her life. Courage to Rise speaks to the heart and soul of the individual with real life experiences that touch the very essence of the human spirit and is the true example of human resiliency at its best. Angelyna exposes herself like not many authors do; to help others rise in personal empowerment and use personal responsibility to turn their adversity into triumph. Courage to Rise is a story that will pull your heart strings and leave you feeling ignited to elicit changes in your own life and find your courage to rise in your own greatness.”
Every day, I would do something towards improving myself. It didn’t seem like much but given my state it was a lot. I did commit to observing my reflection everyday no matter how painful. I allowed myself to feel all my pain and failures and equally, allowed myself to feel my successes and strength. Every day, looking at my reflection became tranquil because I was reconnecting with me. One day, the tears stopped and I noticed I had really beautiful hair! I started laughing and said to myself, of all things you notice, you noticed your hair? Yes, to notice something, anything, beautiful about myself once again, was an amazing gift, I had work hard to give back to me.
About this time, I had the privilege of meeting with Gwen Orwiler, who is an expert practitioner in Emotional Freedom Therapy. I learned about EFT in graduate school, but it wasn’t emphasized within my curriculum of classes. Gwen asked me if I would allow her to give me sessions over the phone to help her business by having testimonies. I reluctantly agreed simply wanting to help a new friend and potential colleague. I had no clue what my sessions with Gwen would give me.
Gwen was raw and never allowed me to suppress any part of how I truly felt about anything in my life. She never judged, never gasped nor was critical of anything I revealed to her. Looking back, she was indifferent to things about my childhood. Not apathetic, simply indifferent. With Gwen, my experiences, good or bad, were just that, experiences that had shaped the very core of my behaviors as an adult. She made it clear, her job was to help me become free of the emotions that held me chained. In order, for her to help me, she expressed I had to do the unthinkable. I had to do something so dreadful for me. It scared the hell out of me.
Honestly, in the beginning, I appeased her because I thought it ridiculous. This requirement of Gwen to do her job with me, was without a doubt, the most frightening attempt at healing for me. This exercise, if you will, in her EFT, would require me to have my inner child take the lead. SAY WHAT?! I had been programmed to simply ignore the wounded child inside, get over it, and move forward. More specifically, I didn’t love my inner child.
In fact, I loathed my inner child. I thought the childhood version of me was ugly, cowardice and I knew, my inner child was full of an extreme amount of shame. Having my inner child take the lead in this type of therapy, well, was probably equivalent to voluntarily surrendering to the kids’ dad as an exceptional role model. Not only didn’t I love the childhood version of me, I had no mercy on that child within me. NONE! Being required to speak from that inner child was the most absurd thing. That child couldn’t be trusted, respected, loved, deserving or above all, worthy to speak for the adult version of me.
It was extremely uncomfortable in the beginning to say the least. After the first session, I thought, what the hell did I commit to? I thought, she’s supposed to be helping me heal, not sending me backwards in time drudging all the pain and anguish from my childhood. By the second session, I had become intertwined with my inner child, and I did not like it at all. All the emotions, pain, shame and guilt came to the surface, and I felt like the moments in time were being relived. But, I didn’t quit the sessions, for some reason I couldn’t quiet grasp it, however I felt a bit freer.
Perhaps, voicing all the suffering I did feel from my childhood was finally released unchained and I could breathe truth into my heart once again. For me, that was the thing about EFT, I didn’t like the process, but that process, was so powerful in my healing. I say, I didn’t like it because it was emotionally exhausting most times. And remember, I spent most of my life, not allowing myself to feel these things which Gwen had me feel. Emotional exhaustion, to me, was supposed to come from dealing with my ex-husband’s repetitive turmoil not my own.
After a session with Gwen, I was done. During sessions, my rise and fall of intensity towards events that had programmed me, were, without a doubt, the greatest moments of my life to actually give my inner child a voice. Frankly, my child within never had a voice. All the years, I loathed my inner child, thought her weak, wouldn’t forgive, it was the adult me that couldn’t face the truth.
The truth was, as a small child, I didn’t know how to interpret much of anything that I had experienced. Experiences that no child should ever face. Horrendous experiences that program a child to believe love hurts, love rejects, love manipulates, love negotiates, love is unforgiving and yes, love is not within. In my sessions with Gwen, she always had this uncanny ability to know if I was holding back any anger. If she detected I was, she would not pull me back, but she would invoke the emotions she knew I was holding back. She forced me to face those “demons”. Her gentle yet, assertive ways allowed me to have “aha” moments in my life, which would bring awareness of why I did the things I did in my adult life.
Understanding the why, connecting the dots, like a puzzle coming together, was extremely helpful for me in my healing. Not just healing the place I was in at the time but digging up the root causes of my repeated actions. This was true healing to me. I didn’t want to just dig my way out of the depression, I wanted answers, I wanted clarity, and I wanted to dig my roots up, no matter how painful, shameful or revealing they might be. I knew this was the only authentic healing. Gwen, was my vessel, my lifting hand, my teacher, my soul tie and my hero. Through her, I discovered so much about myself and most beautifully put, Gwen, helped me embrace and love my inner child, not again but for the first time in my entire life.
Assertively put, Gwen expressed to me, I was trying desperately to run my adult life based on the emotions of a wounded child. And that wounded child, had been through so much. My inner child had not known what love really meant nor felt like. Acknowledging my pain in a way I had never done with Gwen, made me realize, I lived, not only suppressing the beautiful child’s voice within me, but I lived blaming and resenting that inner child.
I lived believing my inner child was dumb, cowardice, ugly, tainted and unable to have happiness. With Gwen, I learned my inner child handled her life like a champion, was and is beautiful, had a voice, a powerful one. And, I learned my inner child endured much pain and suffering without resources to help interpret those experiences in ways to help heal from them. My sessions with Gwen taught me something so powerful that no church, preacher, professor or rabbi could have ever taught me, my sessions taught me to forgive myself. My sessions with Gwen, taught me not only to forgive but to love my inner child. For the first time, I, as an adult woman, wept for my inner child, had compassion and most importantly, I embraced and found my wholeness. For the first time, I felt my temple, my heart and mind, were one, together, united and stronger than ever.
For the first time, I found freedom from the shame of being molested as a little girl, and I knew that moment in my young life programmed my thoughts of ambivalence and shame. I realized, I had spent most of my entire adult life, setting in a threshold afraid, afraid of which way to go. Afraid, I would be harmed and violated either way I chose so, I remained paralyzed in my choices. My sessions with emotional freedom therapy were, without a doubt, a cleansing that helped me see clear how harsh and uncompassionate I had been to my being. Always critical, judging, blaming and never feeling worthy of any healing much less, honor and self-dignity. After my sessions with Gwen, it became my mission and purpose to learn how to give myself the love I had deeply desired from others in my life.
This purpose was foreign to me. My whole life, I strove to make others feel loved and comforted while ignoring myself. I mostly spent my entire life in a relationship where, I got angry, hurt, disappointed, and suffered because I didn’t get in return what I thought I was giving away. Between what I had gained with Gwen and my spirituality, I was well equipped with the knowledge and emotional tools to grow and learn. Since our sessions, Gwen and I have developed such a phenomenal friendship. I have given her the nickname Nortie. Her expertise and passion doing EFT has been my anti- virus. She equipped me with knowledge. Sessions with her require courage to put into action what one learns through her but mostly, what one learns in becoming self- aware of their own behaviors.
Courage to Rise