And I've lived most of my life looking through that lens.
[Warning: Some talk of emotional and physical abuse].
As the story goes... My parents had 3 kids: my brothers 18 & 17 and my sister 14. At age 42 my mom told my dad she thought she was pregnant. He said, “oh nooo, you just have the flu.” So they went to the doctor and when she came out into the waiting room my dad said, “it’s the flu, right?” And she said, “ya, with 2 arms and two legs.” At that moment I became known as the “flu-bug.”
It was one of those “funny” stories my parents told a lot when I was growing up, however, I didn’t find it so funny. From a small child’s perspective the truth was I felt unwanted and somewhere before language I sensed it as being pretty painful.
Now, as an Inner Child Advocate I understand what was happening but all those years ago that was my truth.
Shortly after I was born my brothers “left me” and went into the Navy. I thought of my sister as my “sister-mom” because she was the one that took care of me all the time so my emotionally distant, OCD mom could focus on cleaning house.
At age 4 my sister moved out to get married. I referred to that time as the time when she “abandoned” me”. I found out years later she was escaping the wrath of my angry mom and again from my child’s perception, leaving “me” behind.
At age 5 came another defining moment. My mom had a wooden paddle hanging in the kitchen. It had a picture of a deer and a bear painted on it and the caption read, “For the cute little dear with the bare behind.”
One day I was playing in the living room and I looked up to see her “coming at me” with the paddle and the veins in her neck were bulging. She started hitting me with it. Through tears, I asked her what I did wrong. She kept hitting me and growled, “IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’D BETTER FIGURE IT OUT BECAUSE I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU!!”
My dad, a mild mannered guy, stood a few feet away with his hands folded in front of him saying, “Now Mama, calm down, now mama, calm down”, but he never intervened or tried to stop her. As a 5 year old the meaning I gave that was that I wasn’t safe and there was no one to support & protect me.
I spent the next 12 years feeling very emotionally alone and unsafe.
At age 16 my mom came after me with the paddle one last time. I was a bit taller than her and I thought I was gonna die but I reached down and took it out of her hand. (I spent many years after feeling as if I subconsciously took it out of her hand and started beating myself up with it but I didn’t know how to stop.)
At 17, I was grounded, and my dad dropped dead of a heart attack in our kitchen. No counseling, no emotional support, basically no conversation about it. A few weeks later I came home from a “wild night” (sarcasm) at Denny’s eating french fries and drinking Coke with my girlfriends at my 10:30pm curfew and found my mom sitting by the phone crying. It scared me! She stood up and instead of comforting me for being scared she choked me and told me that it was my fault my dad died because I had worried him to death.
After I turned 18 I moved out, married a bi-polar alcoholic, had 2 daughters 14 months apart, left the marriage when the girls were both under 2, went on public assistance because I couldn't earn enough to pay for daycare while I worked, became a first generation college student (my parents had to drop out of school in the 8th grade to work and help their families after the depression. Im the 2nd of my siblings to graduate High School) and spent 14 years in therapy.
At 51 I found EFT tapping and it saved my life. I grew to become an Inner Child Advocate, the person “I” most needed when I was a child.
I know Im not anywhere close to being unique and that many of you have experienced much worse in your childhood or maybe much less, it doesn’t matter it’s subjective. It can all be traumatic and emotionally wounding to the child and most of us carry it over into adulthood and we are still struggling. However, the real impact is often invisible and subconscious. We cant figure out why we keep attracting the relationships we do, the bosses we do, struggle with money issues, have health problems or simply keep self sabotaging ourselves. I completely get it.
Today, at age 63, I can write all of that with NO EMOTIONAL CHARGE!! I feel extremely passionate about my life’s work as an Inner Child Advocate, because I get to help others get the emotional freedom that Ive gotten. If you are scared to reach out for help please know, I totally understand. I'm here for you.
If you have questions please send me a text 253-441-9963 or an email firstname.lastname@example.org and let me answer them for you.
Anxiety, stress, fear and trauma is expensive...
Emotional Freedom is priceless!!!
PS. Please know that my one hour Intro Zoom session is only $125 with a Happiness Guarantee (If for whatever reason our first session isn't a good fit for you, you can get your money back). No risk. No questions asked.